The Harwich Headhunt ​(cancelled)
  • Blog
  • Harwich Fishing Tournament
  • Photos
  • Registration
  • How It All Started
  • Rules
  • Past Winners
  • T-Shirts & More

The Scale Masters

7/9/2012

8 Comments

 
Picture
Guest blog from one of our directors of weigh in operations and first time Team Jackal crew member

Once again Ben and Teller will be manning the hangman’s scale, and this year with a little better attitude than last year, when our “captain” didn’t
know how to work his live well and we dropped forty fresh eels into the hold, only to watch them slither out the back of the boat two seconds later, leaving us light $60 and all of our bait for the tourney.

We did manage to rally and actually landed a sweet 29” bass five hours into the tourney. Unfortunately, someone on our team who shall remain nameless
(his name is Ben, and he will be standing next to me on the weigh scale, wearing glasses and looking suspiciously like a frail version of Macauley Culkin),
decided that rather than harpoon this behemoth and drag is into the boat alive where it potentially could eat us all, he would bleed it over the edge of the
boat and let it bleed out there. Unfortunately, shortly after slicing it’s throat, he lost his grip and dropped the fish overboard, where is swam away like one the ringworm infested deuces Ryan dropped on the tuna trip last weekend.
 
Anyway, I digress. We will be manning the scales, and switching it up a bit this year. Since all you Capezeros are hillbilly idiots like the clowns on BassMasters, we are going to do the weigh in the way they do. Register a fish you want weighed when you arrive at the weigh in. Once all boats have arrived and all fish registered,  we will call each captain and their fish up to the podium to weigh their fish in front of the crowd. This should make for a more entertaining presentation than the helter skelter methods of the past. Feel free to throw any glass bottles or fish guts at Sean as he mounts the podium, as I just found out he is letting everyone on the crew of the Jackal sleep in his house except Ben and Teller who he offered to let sleep in a tent in the vacant lot next door. I wish I was joking.

One note, any rumors or indications that a fish is not legit or looks like it’s been dead longer than Ernest Borgnine will be presented to the Rules Committee and voted upon. All decisions of the committee are final. The committee consists of Bill  Burke, his eleven scotches and his bad attitude, which means you are screwed. You do not want to appear before the committee.
 
See you on the water. 

Jackal for Life, or until a better offer comes along.


 

8 Comments
Ben
7/9/2012 12:53:12 pm

Ben and Teller....weigh in maters and backyard tent sleepin' second class citizens 4 eva!!!!!

Reply
TJ
7/10/2012 10:22:58 am

What is that? Team We Love Lisa baits with fish that big. Everyone but WLL is effed.

Fish to Drill,
Drill baby Drill

Reply
Rev. Storm "Boston Dangler" Dupont
7/10/2012 06:44:31 am

Hello Boys,

Rev. Storm DuPont here,

Well I have to hand it to the Burkes, what a fine Skipjack you boys caught! I assume you are now rested up from that long battle and on your way to get that fine specimen mounted. I’m really looking forward to meeting you guys. What humor you have. We all enjoyed the picture of that behemoth and had a few good laughs, my grandmother even giggled and commented on how if took 5 guys to lift that fish up for the picture. Be proud fellas, be proud! You aren’t like everyone else, you guys sit down when you take a piss, we let it dangle out the bottom leg of our shorts.

That leads me to a clarification for Ryan on the dingleberry confusion.

1.Dingleberry = A particle of fecal matter attached to the anal hair. Ryan, drop you pants, grab your ankles and look up, those are dingleberries
2.Dangler = To hang loosely and swing or sway to and fro. Cock and balls boys, cock and balls.

Harry, Captain Dangler and I just got back from the Shinnecock Marlin and Tuna Club. We had a great time down there and were happy to find out they are sending a bus load of our fans up for the post tourney party. Harry had a great time once again, he continued to drop shock and awe down there with the ladies. To and fro, to and fro………

As I sat down to type this up, Ron Leidner & Chef Julie from the Hot Stove called as well as the Murphy family from Land Ho to wish us the best and ask if we could send them some of our favorite recipes. We want to thank them for reaching out and for all the VIP treatment. Also a special thanks to Paul Zuest from the Chatham Bars Inn for shutting the place down while Harry, Captain Dangler and I party over there this weekend.

As you all know, we are less than 84 hours till lines in and just under 96 hours till weigh in. I have some words of advice. Keep one eye open when you’re in the rack. We stalk our prey in the night and this is the real deal. Don’t trade your passion for glory. It's all about rights. Some people don’t win the lottery of birth and others do and it something you just have to deal with.

Can’t wait for go time and I'm sure you guys are noticing a ton of security in anticipation of our arrival. Team Dangler has a strict curfew from here on in, no going to bead before 3AM. And 100% complete abstinence from being abstinent. Busting hymen's left and right the next few nights.

Once again Team Dangler is happy to announce that we will be giving out free mammograms again this year at the after party. Just our way of giving back. Some say it’s tit for tat but it our Philanthropic way of saying thanks…………….

The Rev.

Reply
#22
7/10/2012 09:32:09 am

I do mind, the Hale Bopp minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.

Get reel.

The Original #22

Reply
The Sport Bag
7/10/2012 10:36:16 am

"Hillbilly Capezero" here. I wanted to let you guys know that you blog skills have gone down here. Not lower that the Burkes fishing skills but its close.
Reading that the Rev had to explain what a dingleberry was, is quite shocking since we all know Ryan looks in the mirror each day.
As I was sitting on my throne reading these comments about dingleberries, cock and balls dangeling, hairy schlongs and other things I realized how important I "the Bag" am to our daily operations. Without me you can't reproduce. Without me NONE of you would be here trash talking. Without me Katy Perry would still be dating Russel Brand.
Basicly you all should bow down, kiss my feet and buy me Captain n Cokes at the Stove this Friday. Or if you don't wanna do that I do offer fishing lessons for $19.95. That's about the same price Petey charges for an ol' fashioned.

Reply
Lars Shlonghofer
7/10/2012 01:40:42 pm

Hey guys,The Rev and Team Dangler are ready. Just got back from the Dangler camp. Everything's a go.Wizard's ready, all jigs, lures and gear being kept at room temperature, Physical training finished today, and now I'm told the day before the team has planned a day of meditation followed by massages and fresh fruit from dazzling damsels. I called the Norweigen Cod Club and told them of this day. They may get a couple of swedish girls to do the same.Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Team Dangler .is doing the massage thing in complete secrecy with the shades down, on the advice of Mr. Wong who told them, " Confucious say, " people who live in glass houses shouldn't change clothes on the first floor."

Reply
Harry Corduroy
7/10/2012 11:18:49 pm

As I was home last night sharpening hooks, re-tying leaders and pouring over temp-chart printouts, I couldn't help but wonder what the others were doing to prepare for the tourney as the final 48 is nearly upon us. I figure the Burkes were out behind the Hot Stove "male docking." (look it up) The Bag and #22 were probably playing pick-up hoops somewhere but rather than shirts and skins they were playing tops and bottoms. .. but I digress. Remember, Saturday isn't about the size of your marriage tackle or how well you chirp on the message boards. Its about skill, determination, guts and brains. Trust me, I have a wing of my house filled with trophys to prove it.

Reply
Lars Shlonghofer
7/11/2012 11:44:04 am

Hey guys, The Shlong took another quick check-in at Team Dangler headquarters. The Wizard's deck gear has been repositioned, rods rearranged for maximum accessibility. In short, this boat is an absolute BALLSMASHER! Fans and suppoorters are coming by too. As I was leaving an import company had a Good Luck basket delivered with the finest meats and cheeses in the land. I also hear Hooters is sending a boat of their girls as cheerleaders for The Rev and Co, so if you see this Plethora of Pigs go by, give a wave.(no pun). 48 more hours! I can't take the building tension within. Can't imagine how the fleet is handling this. Have to keep the blood pressure as low as Joe Biden's IQ. Not going to be easy. The Shlong will see it through. As we say in Norway" Ges arft weifes untop : ( Gaff the son-of-a-bitch!")

Reply



Leave a Reply.

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.